Anxious almost all the time? Heal your inner child!

Anxious almost all the time? Heal your inner child! that’s the ultimate answer. I have Some mental health dosage for you in this article. However, it’s going to be fruitful. By reading this article, you are taking a step ahead toward that calm and composed personality that you always aspire to have.

Being anxious is not a very happy feeling, that too if you are anxious almost all the time. Even the small things get you worked up, you want to reply before the other person even finishes the sentence, little change in your relationship scares you like you will be abandoned yet you keep on choosing men who abandon you, what if you never get married, what if you never reach your desired goal, what if your marriage ends up in divorce just like your previous relationships, what it this and what if that.

I hear you, I feel you. These feelings are like demons and don’t let you operate to your full potential. What if I tell you, that you can get rid of all these feelings/beliefs? Yes! it’s completely possible.

Attachment Style: The human clan is revolving around attachment styles. There are 4 types of attachment styles “Anxious preoccupied attachment style”, “Fearful-Avoidant attachment style (aka disorganised)”, “Dismissive avoidant attachment style” and the last one who is blessed “Secure attachment style.” You can read about attachment styles more and do your own research on them. I would highly recommend reading the book attached.

Today we are going to talk about the Anxious ones. Attachment styles are formed when we were children. Also, we all have all types of attachment styles in us but only one of them dominates. Anxious Pre-Occupied and Fearful-Avoidant both lean towards anxiousness and it’s a form of insecure attachment style that has a deep fear of abandonment. Anxiously attached people tend to be very insecure about their relationships, often worrying that their partner will leave them, thus always hungry for validation.

Anxious attachment is associated with “neediness” or clingy behaviour, such as getting very anxious when your partner doesn’t text back fast enough and constantly feeling like your partner doesn’t care enough about you. Every insecure attachment style lacks vulnerability. In case of anxious attachment lack of vulnerability comes from their deep fear abandonment, which makes them behave very differently than they actually are. That warm, magnetic, kind, fun personality never comes out in front of people they put on a pedestal.

Difference between Anxious and Secure attachment: Let me start with saying, little bit of anxiety is normal and every one has it when we put someone or something on the pedestal. Any attachment style apart from securely attached does not feel at peace. Anxiously attached people are continuously on a rollercoaster ride of heavy feelings. Their feelings are so strong, that it makes them overwhelmed.

To put a light spin on anything, you need to change perspective. 90% of the time life is about how you react to problems and situations. The heaviness comes from that childhood trauma where subconsciously there is a belief that you are unworthy, undervalued, you will be abandoned because during childhood your caregiver or a person that you imagined as your idol made you feel this way, in most cases unknowingly.

Reprograming those beliefs can be very overwhelming and confusing. Secure attachment style people have faced these types of circumstances very rarely, there was stability, healthy communication and love involved during their childhood, that’s why when someone doesn’t callback they also feel bad but it doesn’t affect their self worth, they have great communication skills, they know how to be vulnerable without any guilt or fear. They also feel all the emotions just with low intensity and that is why it is easy for them to communicate them.

Steps to make for healing the inner child: You need to go back to your childhood and treat your inner child like your own child. Literally that’s the only solution. Healing the inner child is like raising an actual child. If you can raise your inner child to be an adult than I assure you that you will be a good parent to your children.

Think for your little self what she needed and give her that. The basic human need is to be seen, head and understood. When you can fully see yourself, hear yourself and literally understand yourself to the core, then nobody else will matter. This is where the ultimate self confidence and self validation comes from. You need to become the person that your inner child can rely on.

For example, If your inner child says that she wants that beautiful dress, your adult self needs to be able to buy her that dress. She wants to look slim and feel healthy, your adult self need to force her to eat healthy, rather than let her fall into temptations. She doesn’t feel beautiful and needs validation, you need to be able to stand up for her support rather than people pleasing others. When your boyfriend breaks up with you and your inner child thinks it’s all her fault, tell her that there are two people in any relationship. Make her see both sides and help her improve her part of the mistake and keep loving her during the process.

Give her compassion, empathy, love, support and respect that she has never gotten. Never let her feel bad about other people’s words, your words needs to be louder than others for her. Basically you need to take care of her, stand-up for her every freaking time like you would do for your child.

This process requires a huge amount of self awareness, self compassion and empathy. It is a slow process and every small or big experience will reveal something new to your inner child that your adult self need to take care of. You need to be available for her every time, emotionally, physically, mentally and financially. I would keep repeating that taking therapy, journaling and meditation is the key to gain self awareness and rest you need to go with the flow and handle every situation as it comes.

Once you do that, you will change as a person, you will get that calmness in your breath and on your face. Sometimes you will wonder if you have any emotions at all because the feelings are so light and you are used to those heavy feelings but let me assure you those heavy feelings are just anxiety. Once you start feeling this calm, let me tell you, that’s what levelling up, happiness, calmness, and security feel like.