Hello peeps, some mental health dosage for you in this article. However, it’s going to be fruitful and by reading this article, you are taking a step ahead toward that calm and composed personality that you always aspire to have.
Being anxious is not a very happy feeling, that too if you are anxious almost all the time. Even the small things get you worked up or make you feel uneasy, you want to reply before the other person even finishes the sentence, you don’t know how to respond to anyone’s compliment, you enjoy the attention but it changes into being uncomfortable very quickly, little change in your relationship scares you like you will be abandoned, you keep on getting the wrong guy and it ends up with your heart broken, you cannot dream big, or maybe you can dream big but you think how I am going to even achieve that, you worry a lot that how your life is going to be, what if you never get married, what if you never reach the goal that you have for yourself, what if your marriage ends up in divorce just like your previous relationships etc. And these thoughts haunt you quite often.
I hear you, I feel you. These feelings are like demons and don’t let you operate to your full potential. What if I tell you, that you can get rid of all these feelings/beliefs? Yes, it’s completely possible, keep reading, you will get to know how.
Attachment Style: This human clan is revolving around attachment styles. You can read about attachment styles and do your research on them. There are 4 types of attachment styles “Anxious preoccupied attachment style”, “Fearful-Avoidant attachment style”, “Dismissive avoidant attachment style” and the last one who is blessed “Secure attachment style.”
However, today we are going to talk about the Anxious ones. Attachment styles are formed when we were children. Also, we all have all types of attachment styles in us but only one of them dominates. Anxious Pre-Occupied and Fearful-Avoidant both lean towards anxiousness and it’s a form of insecure attachment style that has a deep fear of abandonment. Anxiously attached people tend to be very insecure about their relationships, often worrying that their partner will leave them and thus always hungry for validation. Anxious attachment is associated with “neediness” or clingy behaviour, such as getting very anxious when your partner doesn’t text back fast enough and constantly feeling like your partner doesn’t care enough about you. I have seen many times that many anxious people do not show all the feelings they are feeling, because they fear abandonment, which makes them behave very differently than they actually are. That warm, magnetic, kind, fun personality never comes out in front of people they put on a pedestal.
How to Get Rid of Anxiousness: Any attachment style apart from securely attached does not feel at peace. Anxiously attached people are continuously on a rollercoaster ride of heavy feelings. Their feelings are so strong, that it makes them overwhelmed. To put a light spin on anything, you need to change perspective. 90% of the time life is about how you react to problems and situations. The heaviness comes from that childhood trauma where subconsciously there is a belief that you are unworthy, undervalued, you will be abandoned because during childhood your caregiver or a person that you imagined as your idol made you feel this way, in most cases unknowingly.
Reprograming those beliefs can be very overwhelming, confusing, and lonely. Secure attachment style people have faced these types of circumstances very rarely, there was stability and love involved during their childhood, that’s why when someone doesn’t callback they also feel bad but the intensity is quite less, securely attached people have great communication skills, they know how to be vulnerable and speak their heart, without any guilt or fear. They also feel all the emotions just with low intensity and that is why it is easy for them to communicate them.
You need to go back to your childhood. Most women have been modelled from childhood that they need to behave a certain way and do certain things to earn respect and love. I want you to go back to that little self of yours and reject that voice and hug that little self of yours. She is dying for that unconditional affection. You need to understand that you are valued and worth even when you are following your own path. If someone is making you feel that you aren’t worth it if you aren’t following their path, reject their voice, even if it’s your parents. Think for your little self what she needed and give her that. For example, If she wanted that beautiful dress and no one bought her that for whatsoever reason, you buy her that now. Take her to travel. Force her to eat healthy food, you always wanted the time and support from your parents and they were not there to give you that, they never valued your emotions the way you wanted, so when you get into a romantic relationship and he doesn’t call back, don’t abandon your little self and get needy and clingy. Give yourself that time and energy, have empathy to understand why it didn’t work out or why it is taking the time it’s taking or learn to let go. Build yourself better, learn new things, and grow your career. You literally need to parent yourself till the time you become secure. After that everything will be on auto pilot. This process is called self-soothing, once you learn that, you will rarely need validation from outside, it will build your confidence and self-worth. If you know how to meet your own needs on an emotional level, nothing can stop you from being happy every moment. You will build a positive point of view in every situation. Everyone has their own way of self-soothing, find your own way and it will help you build healthy boundaries as well.
Once you do that, you will change as a person, you will get that calmness in your breath and on your face. Sometimes you will wonder if you have any emotions at all because the feelings are so light and you are used to those heavy feelings but let me assure you those heavy feelings are just anxiety. Once you start feeling this calm, let me tell you, that’s what levelling up, happiness, calmness, and security feel like.
