How to express anger effectively

How to express anger effectively. Most women have this problem, where they start crying while expressing themselves in an argument. No one takes your words seriously after you start crying. People only listen when you start yelling, screaming, and crying your eyes out. It is a lot to just get heard. If you relate to this, keep reading because in this article we will get to the root cause where this comes from and how to rectify this so people start respecting your words without you draining so much energy.

Fear of abandonment: Let’s peek into childhood a little bit. When you were a little girl, you were appreciated when you did what was told to you or expected out of you but you were punished when you followed your own lead and did what you wanted to do. Punishment could be anything, either the silent treatment or you got a slap or two. The love you got was conditional for whatsoever reason.

Every child wants to be loved and wants to be in their parent’s good books. So you won’t do anything or say anything that upsets your caregivers. There was a fear that developed in you that if you say something that upsets the caregivers you will be punished (abandoned).

So you kept everything inside until the punishment came into the picture. They will either stop talking to you, or won’t feed you, or won’t let you play with friends, or lock you in your room, without any solution or proper conversation. All of these punishments make the child feel abandoned by their parents and to get out of the punishment you start protecting yourself and survival mode kicks in.

Now you are trying to explain your point but no one is listening until you yelled, screamed, and cried your eyes out. This kind of practice gave you two things, FEAR OF ABANDONMENT and LACK OF VULNERABILITY.

Lack of Vulnerability: You must be thinking, if crying is a major part of this process then how do you lack vulnerability? Well, it’s a myth that people who cry are always vulnerable. Sometimes crying comes from you trying to be vulnerable.

You have been trained unknowingly to keep everything inside until you get punishment from others. You need to realize that keeping everything you feel inside is actually the punishment you are giving to yourself. When you don’t have practice of expressing yourself in a healthy way and people heard you only after extreme reactions, this is a big sign of lack of vulnerability.

When the man in your life pulls away a little bit, or someone is not talking to you for some time for whatsoever reason, or if you are not included in some group of friends, or there is a heated argument and silence after it, this feels like punishment to you and you try to get out of this punishment by speaking something stupid or wrong that you don’t even mean.

You try too hard to make everything okay but you don’t know how exactly to be vulnerable and say the right thing in the middle of the conversation or after it, without shedding some tears. Because, as I said above, healthy expression is never been practiced before.

How to be vulnerable: Vulnerability comes from getting in touch with yourself and how you feel. Vulnerability means, saying how you feel exactly when you feel it. And to do that, you need to be self-aware of how you feel at that particular moment and remove all the fears that you have. It takes a lot of inner work for some people.

When men can’t speak their hearts out, they don’t generally cry. How many men you have seen crying during an argument because they don’t feel heard? I have seen none. However, they find unhealthy coping mechanisms instead. Hence, lack of vulnerability is not good for any gender.

Actions to become vulnerable: The more you look within and find your worth in just simply existing, you will achieve vulnerability. You don’t have to be CEO of a company so people will hear you, you don’t have to be someone’s wife to be heard. You are a human being and every human being has basic emotional need to be seen, heard and understood. And every human deserves that, no matter what position you hold in the society.

Heal the inner child. When you get hurt as an adult and cry. It is actually your inner child crying who is helpless and don’t know what to do. Your adult self is actually highly capable of anything but whenever your old wounds are touched that hasn’t been healed yet, you will be extremely triggered. That will make you, scream, yell, should or simply cry. Healing the inner child is deeper work that can be done by a professional therapist. Once you will get an understanding of your inner child, then you won’t need the therapist as often.

Meditation and journaling have been proven very effective. Meditation makes you aware of your thoughts and journaling helps you get more clarity on your thoughts and feelings.

After reaching a certain stage, meditation gives your mind stillness and when your mind is in that state, you can think and feel clearly without any heaviness in your energy. You become very calm, aware and will have clarity in life. Your feelings become uncomplicated and light.

The more still and clear your mind is the more vulnerable you will be. You need to remind yourself constantly that you are worthy of expressing yourself to meet your needs. Love yourself enough to walk away from those who don’t respect your needs even after you express them.

Give words to your feelings. One of the most effective practices want you to do. The closer you will get to yourself, the more you will want to understand what exactly you are feeling and words play a big role obviously. The moment you give words to how you are feeling, the more closer you get to self acceptance. Say it out loud, I felt ashamed, I felt angry, I felt sad. I felt devalued, I felt abandoned, etc.

Example: When I fell down in front of everyone, I felt embarrassed, but everyone was very kind and didn’t make me feel bad about it, so I felt loved and respected.

These practices will help you realize the feelings and emotions that you are going through right now and help you be vulnerable at the right time so you will be able to express yourself without any tears and heaviness later. Check out my YouTube video here to get rid of the fear of abandonment.

I hope this article helped you in some way. Please subscribe to the blogs for more articles like these.