The only red flags in men that matters
The only red flags in men that matters. Ladies, answer this honestly, “How many mistakes you have forgiven of a man?” Countless, right? As women we have the power of emotional intelligence to forgive and have compassion. Yes! I am going to consider these things as power, because we are understanding, we forgive, we have compassion and empathy, until we are done. And when we are done, we are actually DONE.
So in this article let me make it easier for you by clarifying almost every woman’s non-negotiable that can be considered as red flag in a relationship with a man. It doesn’t mean that man is a bad man, it simply mean you both aren’t right for each other so it’s better to move on. Let’s get on with it.
He is not ready
So many women waist their time waiting that one day he will be ready to commit and pop the ring in front of them asking them to marry him. Ladies, when a man is ready for a relationship or for marriage, he knows pretty quickly if you are the one for him. And if he is not ready, there is nothing you can do to change that. People keep saying, “If he says he is not ready, he is not ready for YOU.” Okay sure, then it’s a great information, right? Rather than taking it personally and thinking there is something wrong with you, just MOVE ON.
Let me give you a personal example. There was a man I was seeing and pretty quickly he mentioned that he is not ready for a relationship. And I could feel that he was very much attracted towards me and he genuinely cared about me. So being a woman, it started to confuse me. Attraction, I understand but I didn’t understand why he cared about me so much.
We stopped seeing each other but some romantic feeling kept lingering between us and a year gone by like this. We never got physically intimate but the attraction and care was still there. This one year of on and off talking to him I realised why he wasn’t ready for a relationship but still had crazy attraction and care for me.
He is a laid back man. Want to do a lot in life but as of now he is directionless. He is in his comfort zone. I am more capable than him in every aspect at this moment. He has the potential though. My inner masculine was inspiring to him, and his laid back feminine side was attracting to me. That was the point of attraction and care. If he need to be with me than he need to step-up and be a provider man, he need to get out of his comfort zone. That was the reason I wasn’t able to surrender to him and he was attracted but not feeling like having a relationship with me. Yes! With me.
I realised, the moment he will get a woman that will come under his control (he isn’t financially stable or have any career as of now) regardless of his current condition. He might get married to that woman right away. That woman will be his comfort zone, where I am challenging him to be better, without me realising it. Then it strike my mind that I will never be the comfort zone woman for him. I am programmed for growth in life since childhood and not for comfort zone. And growth is uncomfortable. Not many people want to get out of their bubble of comfort. and that’s okay, to each their own.
Does it make him a bad man? Does it make me any less worthy because a man is not ready for a relationship with me? NO. After deeply understanding this experience, I have never taken it personally when a man says, “I am not ready for a relationship.” Thanks for the information, Moving on.
His hero instinct is inactive with you
Every man, literally every man wants to be the hero in the society, if not then definitely for their loved ones. It is programmed in their nature. Men are problem solvers. You know that annoying habit when you are just sharing your feelings and he keeps giving you solutions, what you could have done and how you could have avoided the situation? Yes! be grateful for that.
If a man couldn’t care less about giving you the solutions and be your hero, be your problem solver CONSISTANTLY, run in the opposite direction. You are not the one for him. I learnt it the hard way. Does it make him a bad man? No, he just doesn’t feel that way about you. Be excited for the one who is going to feel that way about you, rather than being hung up on who isn’t.
He is controlling
A man driven by love will be protecting and a man driven by fear will be controlling. A man who comes from lack and distrust would want to control everything. It has nothing to do with you by the way, it has to do with how he has been raised and what he has done as an adult to make it better. No matter how much he loves you, if he is a man driven by fear, he might slap you and yell at you and say, “I love you and care about you that’s why I get angry.”
Where the man driven by love, will learn self control for you and right way to communicate with you. He will guide you rather than put you down if you don’t know something. A man driven by love would want to give you the world rather than being fearful of you asking the world.
A man who balances his feminine and masculine energies within him will have protecting and providing instinct with a compassionate and understanding heart. That is why he understands how it feels to be controlled rather than justifying why he need to control or blaming everything on you. These type of men are rare who balances both the qualities. However, it is easier to find one when you become the reciprocal of him by balancing both the energies with in you too.
Read my previous blogs to understand feminine and masculine energy dynamics or you can watch my YouTube videos as well.
I have seen women forgiving men for most weird, horrific and hurtful things. But leaving a man when she felt unsafe and unloved. The three points I mentioned above makes any woman feel unsafe, unloved and trapped. Your femininity can never flourish under any man like this. These are the only red flags I have observed over and over that made women feel like leaving the relationship or even marriage.
