How to make Femininity work in your favour?
Femininity is a controversial word. Certain characteristics, roles, attributes and behaviour generally associated with a female is called femininity, this is what google says. However, more than that, femininity is an “Energy”, which can be seen through behaviour in both, men and women, largely in women.
I know it is confusing and many psychologists are still debating on this topic because this energy has caused a lot of trouble for women from time immemorial. Traditionally, feminine energy traits are identified as delicacy, gracefulness, elegance, sensitivity, humility, empathy, sweetness, gentleness, supportiveness, affection, tenderness, nurturing, kind, helpful, devoted, warmth, emotional, vulnerable, etc. However, these beautiful qualities have been taken for granted and abused for years and seen as a weakness rather than a strength. Every coin has two aspects ladies, and nobody showed us the second aspect which makes all these qualities work for you, and in this blog, I am going to tell you the secrets that worked for me for years and will work for you as well.
What do I mean by ENERGY: Have you ever felt, when you live with someone and suddenly for no reason, both of you are not talking, there is something going on but you don’t know what it is. However, both of you can feel this lack of connection? That is “Energy.”
Has this happened to you that, you keep thinking of calling someone for the last 3 days but couldn’t for some reason and that person calls you? That is “Energy”
When your partner is not in the city and you are upset with him/her for some reason but didn’t confront them and suddenly you feel a weird “Energy” in your conversation and you know that your partner can feel it too. Yes! that’s the one I am talking about. Basically, energy is something that exists but you can’t see it, only feel it. This could be in any form like love, sadness, anger, peace, relaxation, happiness, resentment etc. The same way Feminine and Masculine energy are also around us, which is an accumulation of a lot of traits in itself.
When we imagine a feminine woman, we get a picture in our head of a gorgeous looking lady, who has a soft look on her face, speaks in a low volume so her voice is not audible much around her and can easily be suppressed, she is petite and her delicate neckless is falling on her beauty bones, she never expresses her feelings that she is hurt because she is afraid of hurting the other person. She sacrifices a lot to keep others happy. Right?
Let me tell you what femininity actually is.
Physical attributes are a big part of Femininity and Masculinity.
It is easy to spot a feminine woman in the crowd by just her looks.
However, it takes more than mere looks to identify a high calibre feminine woman. Yes, she is a gorgeous looking lady, who has a soft look on her face. Yes, she might be petite and her delicate neckless might be falling on her beauty bones. However, when it comes to her personality traits, she speaks in a low volume and soft tone, not because her voice can easily be suppressed, because she doesn’t have to yell to be heard. She rather not speak when she is not heard. She always respects her own feelings and body and is loyal to her heart. She never stays in a situation that is not respectful to her. She never yells to gain respect and never explains why she needs it. Her frequency is so high where no man can even dare of disrespecting her, and she doesn’t vibe with low frequency at all. Femininity is all about being in your own heart and body. A feminine woman feels her own feelings and gets the answers that help her to prevent hurting herself. I am glad you read this far, keep reading, you will understand it better.
Men & Femininity: Things will get interesting and might get controversial here. Believe it or not, men are a sucker for femininity. If you try to bend a dry and hard tree branch, it will break, but when you bend a soft moistured tree branch, it will bend easily. That “moisture/water” is a woman in a man’s life. Masculine energy is stiff (male ego), easily influenced, hence easily corrupted or nurtured. A person, especially a man, can be easily shaped/nurtured/moulded in childhood. Then what happens when you need to make a grown man agree with you in your beautiful relationship? Well, that’s when your feminine power comes into the picture. If some area of your man’s personality is not watered/nurtured in his childhood, you need to give that particular area the amount of water required so that it bends that hard tree branch and only the soft feminine energy can bend a stubborn male ego. Imagine two dry tree branches fighting together, they will both break each other. Ladies, at this moment, you need to remember your power. If you also become that hard tree branch, you are not going to help the situation. Remember you are water, that has the power to cut even the mountains and make their own way. If you give a lot of water to that brown, dry tree branch, it is not going to become green again, but surely will bend for you.
I have a great personal example of the power of femininity. I was in New Delhi in 2011. It was December 25th. I was walking around with a man at India Gate at midnight. There used to be a lot of families as well at India Gate back in the day, so I didn’t feel unsafe until 4 other men came into the picture.
Now the man I was with, had a northeastern look. Those unknown 4 men started speaking among themselves loudly, “What do Indian girls like in these Nepalese.” We knew that it was for us. They were passing all these racist comments and kept following us. I requested my man to ignore them completely but the male ego didn’t listen and I foresee a conflict. I was concerned about my safety and I didn’t see my man listening to me, so I suddenly stood in front of him and softly put my hand on his chest (I felt his heartbeat going down) and raised my other hand towards those 4 men requesting them to stop, without even mouthing anything. There was no anger on my face, it was a polite but strong request, not to put me into trouble. I didn’t think it would work, but all 5 men suddenly left the situation, as if nothing happened. I could not believe that I avoided the situation with a simple gesture and within 5 seconds everything was back to normal.
Women were pushovers back in the day and now we have become too “needy” for our freedom and rights. Unknowingly we are pushing the wrong buttons in men, which leads to digging our own graves in a relationship. Now let me explain what “needy” exactly means. Needing someone/something shows your standards/wants/expectations when you need something, you convey the need to the other person and trust that the other person will not disappoint you. Being needy is doing the same thing but with the feeling of distrust. Hence, you become passive-aggressive, start taunting, nagging and give them the silent treatment. Or maybe You say things like, “Ahh forget it, I will do it myself.” (I have been there myself)
If you are thinking it is going to work on men. Well, men process a little differently. Whenever we start being needy, they feel that we are being ungrateful for whatever they have done for us so far, so why they should do more if we are not appreciating them for what they have already done. Now here, balance is the key. I have an example for you here. I was lying in bed with my man and he was showing me something on his mobile while eating cookies. I wanted to rest my head on his chest but the cookie crumbs were all over the bed and I have requested him many times before not to eat on the bed but he doesn’t listen. I got a little angry but rather than yelling at him saying sentences like, “How many times have I told you…” I expressed myself exactly how I felt, “Baby I want to rest my head on your chest but there are crumbs on your shirt and bed.” He immediately got up and cleaned everything and never repeated that again. You don’t need to be his doormat and keep ignoring your own needs and standards. Also, you don’t need to be too aggressive and lose your grace and feminine self because he is not meeting your needs. Once you know how to keep that balance and hit the sweet spot, you will be the woman of his dreams that he would never want to let go of. (Let me know in the comments if you want me to write another blog about how to keep that balance).
Femininity at the workplace: When you are an independent working lady, your brain is competing with other men at your workplace. You are meeting your targets like other men do, worrying about the deadlines, getting the job done etc. All this is masculine energy. Men and women both have feminine and masculine energies in them.
When we are out in the world working, we are into our masculine energy. Feminine energy is more relaxed, stable, nurturing, sensitive and when you are at your workplace you can’t afford to be sensitive. When I used to work in an MNC, I had stopped myself from crying when my boss yelled at me, I hid my tears because no one cares about it when you are at work. Sometimes they show that they care, but we know that work is the priority here. These and many other activities suppress your femininity when you are at work. Women generally don’t judge anyone’s work based on their gender but certain men do. So when you are a boss lady and start giving instructions to your male colleagues (who report under you), keeping your balance with femininity, only uneducated and/or bad men will take that on their ego.
Believe it or not, most men are good and whenever I kept my femininity, grace and elegance intact, even though I am into my masculine energy at the workplace, I have always felt, heard and being respected by my male and female colleagues. Femininity works wonders with other females. True feminine energy always uplifts other female energies, it never gets jealous or competes with another feminine or masculine energy. She is kind, considerate and helpful. Hence, admiration and respect are easily attracted by her. My ladies, you have a power that you are unaware of. When a graceful, divine female gives instructions, asks for help or give suggestions, then no masculine energy has the power to ignore it. However, when masculine energy gives instructions, asks for help or give suggestions to another masculine entity, it might be taken as competition or power game. Always keep the guns of your femininity loaded my ladies.
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