How Femininity depends on masculinity to heal and thrive. Wounded feminine energy is the result of absent healthy masculine energy in a woman’s childhood. So basically, you need to be friends with your inner masculine. What do I mean by that? I mean, you need to balance feminine and masculine energies within you. That 20% masculine, that is supposed to protect 80% of your femininity is not in place as of now. Symptoms? Lack of boundaries, need for constant control, think about outcomes without even enjoying the journey, neediness, desperation to receive, people pleasing, lack of self support, lack of decision making, lack of trust, urge to prove yourself, Lack of self worth, feeling unsafe in your femininity etc.
Elaboration of symptoms: You can’t say NO when you want to, can’t really express your needs and desires correctly, too needy for the other person, desperate to be in a relationship without vetting the other person properly, you stay in an abusive relationship and even worse, you defend it, constantly people please, fill the awkward silences, you don’t stand up for your values and what you believe in. Lack of self worth can show in small little ways we don’t even realise. Like, hiding the likes count of social media giving the excuse that other people don’t like it when they see less like counts on your content. But the truth is, If you genuinely see value in it then doesn’t matter how many other people liked it. If 10 people on social media liked it, imagine if those 10 people complimented you in person, it’s a lot right?
Toxic Femininity: We all talk about toxic masculinity, but let me talk about toxic femininity that some women have because they lack the balance of their inner masculinity.
As I have explained in my previous blogs as well, feminine energy is a receiving energy. We take pride in receiving. Look how far he travelled to see me just for 10 minutes, look at the ring he proposed me with, oh my god I can’t even believe he did this for me, etc. We as women feel loved when we receive from others and taken care by others.
When a woman is not balanced by her inner masculinity, she won’t be able to become good friends with other women, she will always compare her life with others which will bring her unhappiness, she will keep playing games like who’s husband is better, will be highly judgmental, instead of coming from curiosity, she will directly jump to conclusions, she can’t really trust others because deep down she doesn’t trust herself, her inner child cannot rely on her adult self. It is like never ending unhappy fest.
Balance of Masculinity: When you balance your inner masculine, you are easily able to draw boundaries, you fearlessly allow your intuition to guide you rather than applying logic all the time, because it takes courage to follow your feminine intuition in this world and the inner masculine gives you that courage. You step into your high self worth because the feminine is either happy wherever she is or she adjusts herself according to where ever she is, the inner masculine tells her that there is something more out there, that you deserve better. The masculine is the go getter and femininity brings relaxing energy to the table.
The masculine keeps going towards it’s goal and femininity nurtures and offer him that restful, peaceful environment that feels like a giant waterfall in the dessert. Your masculinity is not your enemy if you know how to balance it and not let it over power you. The moment it over powers your femininity as a woman, it again harms you negatively and the same cycle keep repeating. Too low on masculinity, you will be manipulated, too high in musicality you will be the manipulator. My grandmother always used to say in Hindi, “Ati sarvatra varjayet.” That means, “Excess of everything is bad.” So this scenario apply to both the genders.
How do we balance?: Without taking support of your inner masculine, your beautiful feminine qualities will be misused and abused by the outside masculine. I said, outside MASCULINE. I didn’t say MEN. I hope you know the difference by now, through my previous blogs or my YouTube Videos. So how do we balance these to energies within us? BY GOING BACK TO WHERE IT STARTED.
Remember the first line of this article? Yes! go back to your childhood and listen to your inner child and be friends with that child. Earn the trust of that inner child that nobody earned unfortunately. Earn her trust that you can take care of her. Give her all sort of safety that she needed back then. Give her emotional safety (make her feel seen, heard and understood), give her physical safety (don’t have to compete with men, do your best.), give her financial safety (give her the financial freedom and stop waiting for someone else).
Your inner child will never let you properly surrender or submit to anyone else until and unless you stand-up for her first. Because what if your inner child gives herself to someone else and If the other person turns out to be toxic (which most probably will in unhealed scenarios) and you are no where to be found to save her. Your inner child is stuck in that toxic environment forever, because you cannot stand-up for her.
How to be friends with your inner child? I could say write in a journal or meditate (although it will help) but healing is some deep work and you need to take therapies. You need to dig deep into your childhood and be ready for everything ugly. You need to wash that dirt on your face to see your own pretty face. Because that dirt doesn’t define you anymore, you are an adult, you can wash your own face. Think of all the childhood trauma like that dirt. It only defines you, if you let it.
Be patient with your therapies because it takes a quite a lot of time to undo all that was done to you. I started taking it from February 2022 and I still take it. Less frequently though. The frequency reduces with time. I used to take 4 to 5 sessions in a month and I thought I needed more. And now I take probably once a month, sometimes once in three months. Over time you get to know who you are and become content with it, I promise you that. Just do it honestly. Don’t defend the ugly side of you or your family, accept it all to love it all.
Hence, until and unless you learn the beautiful dance between feminine and masculine within you, it is impossible to feel complete as a human being and reach your full potential.