The myth about being independent that is burning you out

Hello my high-achieving woman, how is it going? you will probably answer me it’s going great Manisha, I got promoted at work, my business is going amazing, I bought myself a car I am on top of the world right now. I am happy for you darling.
Now let me ask, how are you feeling regardless of your professional career? Doing it all alone? Burnt-out? can’t really trust people? It’s hard to make friends out there? A little support would have been great? Wish people wouldn’t assume that you are too strong to do it yourself all the time? Why can’t he be more romantic and buy you flowers once in a while? Why can’t he make plans? Why do you have to tell him to do things all the time, it would be great if he can do them without you telling him? Etc. If you relate to this, you are burnt out by doing it all by yourself. It’s time for you to help yourself first by getting into your feminine energy, and lean back a little.

Misunderstanding about being independent: I have a little story for you. I finished my schooling and it was time for me to get admission to college which was literally 5 minutes walk from my house. What my grandfather said to me was, “Why do you have to go to college to get the admission done, one of your brothers (I have 4 brothers) will go to college and get an admission form, fill it themselves, and get it submitted. You don’t have to do anything.”
At that moment I was very much into my masculine energy, so I fought with my grandfather and refused to take help because I had major trust issues, I thought getting this much of a princess treatment will make me brain dead and I can’t trust anybody but my own brain. Also, I am not saying that I had these trust issues by myself like a delusional person. My parents wanted me to get married right after college, they were getting me admission in the nearest shitty college that they could find, but I wanted to do something better, I wanted to get out of my little town and see the world. They didn’t want what is best for me, they just did what was convenient for them. Hence, I always got this feeling that I have to take care of myself because no one else is thinking about what I want out of life. I had to rebel a lot for what I wanted when I didn’t even know what I wanted, I was just 18. All I wanted is my caregivers to actually care about me. Support, a guidance to help me figure out what to do next after school. But I was expected to be sure of what I wanted without any guidance. If I am guessing correctly, this is the case with most Indian kids of my age because parents could guide us with what they knew but generation was changing drastically and they could not evolve with it. I was watching images and videos of Paris on the internet at a cyber cafe when they didn’t even know what other parts of India look like. Our generation of kids had different interests than just being academically good. Hence, when my parents failed to understand my needs they left me on my own and didn’t help me at all, I had to take command of my life and figure things out on my own which made me too independent. I don’t know about other countries, but in India, most people will either suffocate you with care and concern or leave you completely on your own because you didn’t follow their path. This treatment puts us into our masculine energy and makes us appear very capable which makes people think that we can handle anything on our own. The truth is we have to find balance. Any woman can handle anything on her own if she has to, but she will very quickly feel burnt out professionally and will fail many relationships or will be in a chaotic relationship which will leave her burnt out even more sooner or later. I failed relationships because I couldn’t ask for help, and felt burnt out because I had to lead the relationship, irritated, needy, untrusting, and whatnot before I learned the concept of feminine energy.

Feminine energy and its relation with trust: Today, this Manisha will happily accept help from her grandfather and brothers. Not only because she trusts them, but more than that, she trusts herself to get her own needs met. Believe me or not, it is our own responsibility to get our own needs met. As a kid, you feel helpless when your caregivers are not understanding your needs and you don’t even know how to communicate them, so you take charge of your own life very early on when you are not even ready. But now, as an adult you have done this independent thing so successfully that you can cross any hurdle that comes your way. Now is the right time to start asking for help, not because you can’t do certain things, but because it will be very relaxing for you if someone else does it for you. Also, you will have genuine appreciation for them who help you, or make your life easier in any way because you have done it yourself and you know how hard it is. A damsel and distress woman says, “I can’t do it at all, I need help” An independent woman says, “I can do it myself I don’t need anyone” but a smart woman says, ” I know I can do it myself but it would feel so great if someone else does it for me.”
Trusting the universe that it gives you as and when you want and need something, is the power of abundance. Don’t underestimate this power. We generally get what we want if we have trust, abundance, and a grateful mentality. You don’t have to force things to happen, just flow with life, enjoy what comes your way. If you are practicing these qualities and losing patience sometimes remember you are losing trust in the process. You need to trust the process, people, and universe and have faith that when you are ready, you will be provided with what you need. Feminine energy is flowing energy and receiving energy, it attracts and receives what she wants. And when this energy is wounded, it attracts quite a bit of negativity as well. Heal it to trust.

How to heal it: If you find it hard to trust, then you need to start embracing one of the wonderful feminine qualities, “Forgiveness.”
Start with visiting your past and hug that little girl who was let down by people, and tell her to forgive everyone because now, you got her, she doesn’t need anyone else. Now, it’s her choice who to receive from or give to. After being so capable whoever she is receiving from is privileged.
Once you have a heart of forgiveness and empathy, you won’t be disappointed and lose trust quickly when people and the universe disappoint you once in a while. However, this golden heart will need a lot of self-respect and boundaries, because people take advantage of forgiveness and empathy. Without self-respect and boundaries, you will be back to where you started from, we don’t wanna do that. We don’t want a bitter and hurting heart, we want a happy heart, so let’s work for it by having healthy boundaries. Get in touch with your body and feelings it will tell you what is wrong before the brain does and politely vocalize it as soon as someone crosses your boundary.

To sum it up, being independent has done a great favor for you. It made you capable. Now you will know when you fall in love or start a new friendship or being a part of a new group etc it will be real and not out of need. You just need to make conscious efforts to heal your feminine energy and trust, it’s okay to reasonably depend on others. Men find fulfillment and purpose in providing (safety, protection, advice, etc) so why not let your favorite person give it to you? You have done a great job so far, it’s time to lay back now. Being dependent is a choice, not a need for you Tigress.

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