6 qualities that show you are a refined woman

  1. Speaks politely but straight: If you speak your mind with a honey filter then you have almost mastered the art of communication. Let me explain.
    If you are confused, say you are confused. If you did not understand, say you did not understand rather than nodding your head and agreeing to something that might end up turning against you. Do not forget to keep your tone very neutral and soft, this way they would want to repeat themselves. If you want to convey something, even your deepest feeling that hurts to speak out loud or you are mad as to why they did not understand without you saying it, stick to your point with a polite and neutral tone without beating around the bush or crying like a baby or yelling, taunting, screaming or being needy and pathetic because nothing is as big as it seems at first, a smart woman knows this. A perfect example is in the video below.
This is a scene from the series “The Bold Type” available on Netflix. A wonderful series for modern women. You can see in the video (sorry about the quality) that he ignores her in public then ask her to meet in private, she did not like this and expresses her feelings without any drama. This works in any situation of your life and specifically in dating life. This does not put a lot of pressure on the other person and comes across as a polite request that includes the standards that you have. When you convey exactly how you feel and what you want without any drama and desperation with a polite and soft tone, it’s very attractive, elegant and confident.
  1. Doesn’t repeat the mistakes: It’s pretty self-explanatory. Elegant women never intentionally disrespect others and she respects herself first. She does not make the same mistake over and again, you know why? Because she asks upfront if she doesn’t understand something at first. That is why she also doesn’t like telling other people over and again about the same thing. If someone is not paying attention when she is expressing herself, she doesn’t repeat what she said multiple times and respects herself too much to indulge in those people who don’t respect her words. She is not clumsy when it comes to listening because paying attention is directly connected to being respectful.
  1. Unnecessary arguments: Keep in touch with your own feelings and check what still triggers you and work on it. Heal in a way that nothing triggers or offend you to the level of arguments and ugly debates. Wide eyes, wrinkled forhead, pointing fingers and loud voice is highly against of elegance. I am still stunned to see a lot of people getting into ridiculas arguments just for fun or for the satisfaction that they are right. You need to spot such people and stay far faaaaar away from such drama. An elegant women knows where to invest her energy. Don’t drag your personality into mud with such people.

  1. Never a People pleaser: As I mentioned before, an elegant woman respects herself first. Hence, she would not do or say things that is highly unacceptable to her just to please other people or because she is scared that the other person will get angry or upset. Jeopardizing her self respect to take care of others emotions is not in her dictionary. She is warm, kind, polite, respectful and emotional and when someone tries to take an advantage of those qualities that makes the world a beatiful place, she keeps her brain intacts and take the right deciesion according to the situation that is not connected to pleasing anyone.
  2. Physical health and appearence: Your body is a temple. Have you heard the phrase, “Health is wealth” ? An elegant women abide by that. Excercising everyday, eating healthy meals, not accepting any physical abuse, dressing elegantly, all comes under elegance and self love. Your physical health affects your mental health as well. An elegant woman carries a different kind of carisma because she takes care of her physical and mental health. She cannot bare someone hurting her body and cannot stand an unhealthy body. Her dressing sense and behaviour is never desperate and she grooms herself everyday. I know it’s just a grocery store, nobody will notice, but trust me people will notice. An elegant women is aware of her personal brand and she doesn’t like to ruin it by wearing Pajamas to the grocery store across the street.
  3. Keep learning: An elegant, refined, independent women is always keen to learn new things. Her heart is always open to change and any kind of new information that she can grow from. Hence, she can hold any conversation with any age group. She uses this knowledge and interest into her career as well. She likes to be financially indipendent and pretty much satisfied in her world with the zest of moving forward in life. She does not like to be around rigid people and doesn’t intend to live a growthless life.

Achieving all these qualities together can be overwhelming unless you are trained since childhood. It took me a lot of time to realise that I am also a borderline people pleaser. Once I realised the problem, I keep myself aware of every situation where I might fall into this, so I can overcome it. Many women I know are elegant, sophisticated, and belong to reputed families but they are still slaves to the way they have been taught. It’s important to learn new things and it is more important plus difficult to unlearn what is all wrong we have been conditioned with. However, I am sure you will meet the happiest and most attractive version of yourself one day and will be thankful for the efforts you have taken to reach there.
Keep evolving.

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